Llama Who Episode Three

 

It was a very very very hot and summery day. Eevee had to feed her pusheens, get changed out of her pusheen pjs and stepped outside. Eevee suddenly noticed that the Llardis wasn’t there. So she went to go knock on the Knockter-Doctor’s door and he didn’t reply. Usually he would reply because he was awake all day and all night. The Doctor-Llama went on a journey and the Doctor-Llama took Eevee to an alien McDonalds. The Doctor comes back with an alien McDonalds and its much tastier than the one on Earth. It’s sort of like proper Earth food, but it has better flavour. If it had any vegetables on it Eevee wouldn’t eat it. You get a Pokémon alien toy with each meal. The Doctor bought some birthday cake because it was June 11^th and Eevee’s birthday. The Doctor bought a lot of cake – like a lot – because Eevee loves cake. Eevee said ‘I wish we could keep travelling back in time so I could keep going back to my birthday and eating cake’.

The cyber-llamas had caught Alan in a cell. Eevee said ‘So Doctor, well I spotted this llama in a jail cell and he sort of looked like my second cousin. Can he be the second companion Doctor?’ The Doctor says ‘Yes he can be the second companion and if he is your second cousin then get your pusheens and maybe just a little bit suffocate him’. The Doctor brought so many cakes that he had to make multiple trips to his Llardis. He also had to buy a table for all the cakes to go on and one high chair and five chairs. But he kept all the cakes in a little safe and also the table, chairs and high chairs because it’s not her birthday just yet and they needed to get Eevee’s second cousin.

They visited the cybermen ship, saved Alan and they figured out what his name is. Eevee said ‘I know I say to this to you every time on skype you are a very very very very very very good singer!’. The Doctor-Llama says ‘Alan do you want to become a companion?’ Alan says ‘yes please!’

A couple of days later it was Eevee’s birthday and the day before the Doctor wrapped all the gifts for her birthday (make-up, perfume, a fat cat that was grey and she decided to call her pusheen).  But before Eevee could have her birthday the Llardis was taken by llama-ice warriors to their ice-cave on Mars. It was really cold so at least the birthday cake didn’t melt. The ice warriors hissed ‘Doctor, you look really cute as a llama but that doesn’t change the fact that you have defeated us too many times and you must be destroyed. However as it is Eevee’s birthday we will steal her instead and let the Doctor-llama come and catch her. We will also give her some ice-cake with lots of candles’. 

It was actually a huge big trap and the Ice Llama Warriors put the doctor-llama in prison and kidnapped him and kept him in prison and Eevee has to save him. What she thinks to herself in her head is: ‘Oh doctor, I’ve saved you too many times now, why can’t you save yourself?’ What she said to him is: ‘hi Doctor, I’m going to come and save you now, don’t worry even though this was a huge big trap’.

The ice warriors were there waiting for Eevee with their big ice guns. What they didn’t know is that Eevee, knowing that it was a trap, came pre-prepared with a blow-dryer. She knew how to turn the blow-dryer on and the ice warriors stood backwards in alarm. ‘Well done Eevee!’ shouted the Dr-Llama from his prison cell. ‘Make sure you change the settings though or my llama fur will go all fluffy!’ The ice warriors got Eevee to agree to turn off the dryer and leave them in peace if they handed back the Doctor-llama. ‘Phew!’ said the Doctor, ‘that was a near escape!’ But just as they were climbing out of the spaceship they were hit by another problem. They had accidentally stepped into a teleportation device and found themselves in…Eevee’s school!

Eevee didn’t know it, but she had been destined to become a Dr Who companion from her first day at school. Back when the Doctor had first regenerated into a llama and had been trying to track down all the alien monsters who had accidentally become llamas too, he had traced them down to her school. Without knowing it, that very day Eevee had started at school he had been working undercover, convinced that all her very suspect-looking teachers were really slitheen-llamas in disguise. The Doctor-llama also knew that slitheen-llamas were worse than normal slitheens, because they prided themselves on the scaliness of their green skin and hated being fluffy and cute so they were particularly mad. During the past few months the Doctor-Llama had had to get a whole number of jobs at the school to work under cover because things kept going wrong. The first job he got was as the caretaker, but he got fired for setting up the playground slide on a pupil’s foot. Next he tries to be the computer assistant, but accidentally made all the computers in the school blow up when he tried to convert all the lesson plans into Gallifreyan. Then he got a job as the maintenance man but forgot that he was on Earth and not on the planet Sarn where the life-forms need the temperature to be really hot and accidentally blew up the thermostat. After that he was a cleaner, but found the job hard work and decided to make the toilet cubicles bigger on the inside and a teacher accidentally fell into one and was never seen again. Next he went to work in the canteen, but the Llardis food replication machine had chosen just that moment to get a serious problem in its power banks and all the food had turned green and mouldy. Then he got a job as a foreign language teacher but accidentally ‘forgot’ what language he had been talking in and taught all the children Venusian by mistake so that they failed their exams and he got fired, again. Then the Doctor-Llama got a job as a p.e. teacher, but he accidentally got stuck while climbing up the wall-bars and had to get a pupil from year three to get him down. Finally he had been told that he was a liability and to never to set foot in the school again and had been working in the school invisibly instead.

One day when he was in the head teacher’s office and invisible, rifling through her filing cabinets for proof of alien invasions, he over-heard a commotion going on outside. Forgetting he was invisible, he hid behind the nearest plant-pot, watching on as the head-mistress and one of the teachers walked in with one of the pupils. He was sure that he had seen that one of them, just for a fleeting moment, had a tail (the teachers, not the pupil!) ‘This pupil has been caught doing two very naughty things today!’ said the teacher to the head-mistress. ‘Earlier today she was caught doing the most diabolical, terrible, evil thing any pupil in the school has ever done. She slid and fell over!’ ‘Shocking!!!’ said the head-mistress. ‘That’s not all’ said the teacher. ‘She was also seen putting cheese on her own biscuit and eating it’. ‘Diabolical!’ said the head-mistress. ‘Let’s eat, I mean meet, her parents, they make for a better meal, I mean meeting’. ‘No, I fancy a snack, let’s just eat her now!’ Throughout this discussion the Doctor-Llama noticed that the pupil was remaining calm and reasonable yet defiant and he thought to himself that this Eevee would make the perfect companion for him one day. The head-mistress and the teacher had decided that they would be merciful this time and gave the pupil a yellow card and that they would only eat half of her. The head-mistress began to put her hands to her head, fiddling for a zip that seemed to appear out of nowhere. ‘I’m very hungry, I mean angry, I mean hangry with you pupil!’ said the teacher, licking her lips, ‘There was a huge queue at the Earth McDonalds so I decided not to have any and now I’m really hungry!’

The invisible llama-doctor, in hiding, knocked over the filing cabinets, which threw the head-mistress to the floor just out of sight of the pupil. Realising what was going on, the teacher sent Eevee back to class, just in time for the llama-doctor to whip out his sonic screwdriver and turn her into a husk. Turning on the staff computer the doctor-llama hurriedly hacked into the computer programme and wrote a letter to all of the pupil’s parents telling them that there was a pandemic on and all of the students had to stay at home for now. He then got into his Tardis, made himself visible again with the use of his sonic screwdriver and went back in time, creating a pandemic and releasing it a week before he had been at the school. Now that all the pupils were safe he nipped forward in time and went to the alien McDonalds on Zigorous 3 where he got the humanoid happy meal of chicken nuggets, chips and a drink and had a cinnamon doughnut for dessert (which they still made in the alien McDonalds even though they stopped making it a long time ago on Earth and it was the best thing McDonalds ever made, boooo!) and a tiny clandusprod alien toy. He then nipped back to Earth and went to the local fish and chip shop near to the school, paying seven galuptoid quarks to the surprised shop owner in return for all the vats of vinegar he had in his cellar.    

 The Doctor-Llama then went back to the school, kicked open the main doors with his hooves and went to the staff-room where he raided their biscuit tin and then called all the staff in to see him over the tannoy. When all the teachers were there the Llama-Doctor said to them: ‘Evil fiends! You are the nastiest, most ruthless beings in the whole entire galaxy. Not only have you taken over the school and enslaved the children, not only are you planning on taking over the Earth and the known cosmos, not only did you vow to destroy all life that doesn’t obey you and become your slave, you gave all the pupils really hard maths homework and fed them peas in the canteen. This is wicked and evil! You must stop! Do you promise to mend your ways?’

But the slitheen-llamas, all green and fluffy, just stared up at him with their big ugly eyes. ‘No’ they said. ‘Absolutely not! We find this planet tasty and what’s more it’s the only planet that gives you the McDonalds happy meal toy we’re missing for our collection! We are going to eat you instead Doctor…’ Sighing the Doctor-Llama said ‘Well I did try to warn you, that was your last chance!’ and opened up his great big water pistol that he had taken from the Llardis and filled up with vinegar. ‘Oh no!’ screamed the slitheen, ‘The acid in the vinegar is making us burst!’ And they did, all over the staffroom. The Doctor-llama phoned the caretaker in from his day off and gave the very confused man a mop and bucket. Whistling happily, the Doctor-Llama then got in his Llardis and thought about tracking down that very perfect companion Eevee. To his delight she didn’t take much tracking down at all and he met her right at the start of our story.

However, this is the end of our story (ish) and instead the Doctor-Llama is in the present, standing outside the school gates with Eevee in tow, telling her all about his earlier adventures. ‘I never knew all that was going on!’ said Eevee. ‘Humans never do, even when something is going on right under their noses’ bleated the Doctor-Llama ‘You really are a most trusting race, too trusting sometimes. The cosmos is full of weird and wonderful and amazing and magical and terrible and fascinating things, but very few humans ever get to see that side of life. They are too busy watching soaps on the telly, eating chips, texting and scones. Anyway, we are here now, a week later to see if the caretaker has finished cleaning up yet!’ The school looked very eerie in the dark. Eevee tried to remember what all her classrooms looked like and where each one of them was, as they all looked so different in the dark. However, just as she was about to enter her form room an evil alien claw came round the corner and grabbed the Doctor-Llama by the tail, ‘So Doctor’ the voice purred, ‘We meet again!’ ‘But but but…’ said the Doctor, hastily going through the junior book of intergalactic aliens he always carried with him. ‘I’ve travelled all over the galaxy and all across time and I have never met you before!’

The alien turned on the light and walked towards the Doctor and Eevee. He was very ugly, with a space helmet balancing a top hat, a body of armour, one arm was a tentacle and the other a humanoid one that held a sword and at the bottom the alien was wearing a skirt. ‘Knock knock!’ said the alien, ‘Whose there?’ said Eevee. ‘Llama’ said the alien. ‘Llama Who?’ said the Doctor-Llama. ‘Nice to meet you!’ snarled the alien and leapt forward. ‘But who are you?’ said Eevee, clutching the Doctor-Llama’s hooves. ‘I am The Death’ said the alien. ‘And I am here to take you away to my home planet for a…temporary quest!’ (‘Temporary…Temporary Quest’ Eevee started singing automatically). Suddenly the world started spinning and everything went black.

To Be Continued!