Llama Who Episode Two

 

 

When we left our intrepid adventurers they had just escaped the McDonalds toy…of doom!

We start our story again on a grey and rainy day in Knutton, in a fast-food chain close to companion Eevee’s house. The Dr-Llama is helping his new assistant Eevee to her feet when the lights in the McDonalds flicker on and off. A creepy laugh can be heard echoing over the tannoy.

‘My dear Doctor, you have been foolish on this grey and rainy night. I lured you here using the cyber-llamas (I knew you wouldn’t be able to resist them – they are far too cute!) and then the auton-mannequin-llamas, using both of them for my trap. I thought that the plastic llamas in the toys wouldn’t kill you, but I did think they would distract you enough for me to hypnotise the owner of the shop and fill the shop with your greatest enemy…Llama-Daleks!!!’ With that the voice let out an evil laugh ‘Wa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!’

‘You evil fiend!’ shouted the Dr-Llama, shaking with horror as he looked up to see dozens of eye-stalks staring up at him.

‘What are they Doctor?’ asked Eevee. In all her time with her be-scarfed companion it was the first time she had seen him looking scared.

‘They are llama daleks, ruthless evil killers. Once they used to be innocent llamas running around in fields all day long but a dalek invasion fleet came and threatened to exterminate anything fluffy or pink so instead they handed themselves in to become part dalek. I like to think that there is still a living beating llama heart in there that’s good underneath all that dalek casing.’

‘And who is that mad voice we can hear over the tannoy?’

‘It is my oldest timelord enemy, the Master-Llama. He has regenerated many times but only now does his form take on the ultimate body, that of a llama.’

‘That’s right Doctor’ said the voice again. ‘I am sorry, my dear Eevee, that your time with the Doctor has been so short’

‘Don’t kill him!’ said Eevee in despair ‘He’s just a cute llama who wants to save people.’

‘Oh I’m not going to kill him!’ said the Master-Llama. ‘I have a fate far worse in store for him. I am going to do the worst thing possible to do to a llama to stop them being cute and fluffy. I am going to…shear him!’

The Llama-Doctor looked horrified. ‘You wouldn’t dare’ he said ‘why then I’d be a naked llama!’

The chief Dalek, who was painted pink, moved forward, raising its plunger. ‘And then we’re going to ex-terminate you on this grey and rainy night. Exterminate!!!’

In the darkness Eevee reached out under the Doctor’s scarf and held the Doctor’s hoof. ‘We’ll get out of this doctor’ she said simply ‘You’re like a computer, you can do anything. I believe in you!’

The Doctor grinned and replied ‘You are such a brave companion! And you’ve given me an idea….’

Reaching into his pocket the Doctor took out his sonic screwdriver. ‘Now then’ he said ‘If I can reverse the polarity of the neutron flow I think I can get back control of the tannoy system and the lights and maybe even the Dalek-Llamas who run on a form of static electricity. The Master-Llama is so predictable, he always uses the same Microsoft Windows programmes! And I’m quite a good computer hacker...’

‘Won’t you show mercy to your own?...Nooooooooo!’ cried the Master-Llama as the lights flickered back on inside the McDonalds. Eevee took a breath and closed her eyes but when she opened them again she saw the Doctor-Llama standing over the Dalek-Llamas who were lying on their backs.

‘Well, then’ said the Doctor, beaming as his voice boomed through the tannoy system of the McDonalds. ‘What have I told you about using ancient software on a planet like Earth?’

The pink dalek muttered ‘We must ex-terminate Ex-cel!’

‘Come, Eevee, there is still the Master-Dalek to capture. Let’s get to him the quickest way we can – quickly, through this oddly clean looking ventilation shaft that’s big enough to crawl through!’

Eevee followed the Doctor, madly clutching his scarf as he ran off. He was surprisingly quick for a llama!

‘Doctor’ she gasped, ‘I’ve been meaning to ask. Why are you both llamas?’

‘Something strange happened with my last regeneration’ he explained. ‘I usually die in some grand gesture or heroic scheme but this time it was a grey and rainy night and I just tripped over in the grass and fell on my sonic screwdriver while I was visiting the llamas in the garden by your Nana J’s. I must accidentally pressed a button and absorbed some of their DNA when I fell – it turns out that where the llamas live is the nexus point of all time and space, a gateway where aliens pass through. Little did I know it, but the Master, the Cybermen, the Daleks, the Sontarons, the Slitheen, the Judoon and the Ice Warriors were all there lying in wait for me. They are all part llama now as well. I decided that I needed a new companion and realised that you were the best – that’s why I travelled to your house to ask you if you wanted to travel in my Llardis, but the cyber-llamas got us before I could say hello. Ah here we are…’

The Doctor opened his sonic screwdriver, kicked open a door with three of his hooves and charged inside. ‘I have you now Master-Llama’

‘Not so fast Doctor’ hissed the Master-Llama and he hurled a huge pile of beefburgers at our intrepid heroes.

‘Duck!’ said the Doctor as he and Eevee ducked.

‘Duck!’ said the Doctor again, throwing a happy meal toy at the Master-Llama.

‘Ha!’ said the Master-Llama. ‘Do you think you can defeat me with that simple ruse?!?’

‘No really’ said the Doctor. ‘I meant duck!’ And throwing his sonic screwdriver at Eevee he cried ‘point it at the Master and press the button, now!’ and ran forward, tripping the Master up with his hooves in the process. Eevee pressed the button while aiming it at the Master. And to her surprise he shrunk, turning green and growing what looked like feathers.

‘Oh no, I’m a duck! You’ll pay for this Doctor!’ quacked the Master.

‘Oh I think you’ll pay as always Master-Llama’ said the Doctor laughing, ‘What say I put it on your, err, bill!’

The Doctor then walked away with Eevee, both of them giggling to themselves. ‘Where to now Eevee? We have all of space and time to adventure in?’

‘Very soon I will make a choice’ said Eevee ‘but first I must see how my pusheens are getting on’. And she took the Doctor home where she showed him all her pusheens and showed how she was training them to suffocate any evil monsters that invaded her house.

‘Forward planning, very wise’ said the Doctor. ‘I knew you were the right companion for me’.

The Doctor looked out the window. It was a very grey and rainy night.

‘Doctor’ said Eevee ‘Do you think the Master or the Autons or the Daleks will come back again?’

‘I think they have all been defeated for now’ said the Doctor. ‘We haven’t met the Ice Warrior-Llamas or the Sontaron-Llamas or the Slitheen-Llamas or the Judoon-llamas yet though. I wonder if one of these evil scourges of the universe will be waiting for us in part three?...’

‘Doctor!’ said Eevee. ‘What’s that over there, outside, on this grey and rainy night? It looks part llama part…scary alien!’